Tag: wisdom

Leadership by invitation

My latest leadership lesson I received this year from my elderly mother. Watching a loved one or even a peer traverse a path littered with stumbling blocks can be very painful. I find myself wanting to guide them and share the benefit of my own experience, my knowledge or wisdom. I have come to understand though that all human beings have the right to their own paths without the influence of others. Interfering in other people’s lives is denying them the enlightenment gained from drawing their own lessons. I had to accept that I may not identify with the choices of my mother, nor understand them, but she has the right to her own “mistakes”, her own way, her own pace.

Each one of us must earn our independence and gain illumination from making our own decisions. We have so much to learn from reflecting upon the consequences of our choices. Life is about choosing wisely. Understanding that each person must walk in their own way and at their own pace is necessary to lead wisely. Each one of us is unique and drawn to a different path. Yet we often feel tempted to direct the paths of others. Our egos convince us that we know better, often awaking a hidden craving for control within us. Beware!

If you feel compelled to intervene when watching another human being make his/her way slowly and painfully down a difficult path, try to empathize with his or her need to grow autonomously, and make his or her own way in and out of the world. Now people may ask for help and that is different. Indeed, you need a proper invitation to lead and share experiences, advice, drawing on your mistakes and wisdom. Watch for a cue though; do not over indulge. You may just need to provide the spark that will help others regain their balance to carry on their own path. To each their own. Remember that diversity is key to genuine leadership. 

In the absence of human leadership

In the midst of our pandemic, I have found myself at a loss to understand the world and find my way. Dumfounded by the type of policies, regulations that have come from various national and international leaders, I disconnected and reflected upon the best way to refocus. At local level, and within communities there have been some interesting efforts to develop some humble, compassionate, and creative approaches. It is nature, however, that responded best to my needs for guidance.

We share the planet with the animal kingdom and we can turn our attention to animal activities around us to get inspired. Finding ourselves staring at a bird soaring high into the sky, we may consider looking at our situation from a greater distance.  A squirrel stashing its latest prize may remind us of our hidden places for forgotten treasure. When we feel clueless facing our challenges, we can learn to turn to an animal messenger, trusting that the planet has some answers for us, opening to a different way to look at and solve our problems, humbling ourselves and letting go of timing. The Universe has its own rhythm and timing. The solution will come at the perfect time – not our time!

In this time of pandemic, you may wish to reflect on ants and bees around, reminding you that there is no survival as individuals. They survive as members of the group, through their respective, highly specialized roles within their communities, never wishing to be something other than what they are. They are a useful symbol of self-knowledge and humility, like individual cells in your body. It may inspire you to fully own your specific skills, knowing how they can benefit all of humanity. No one can tell you what to do but if you listen from within you will find how to best serve. The world needs your individual talents to be put at the service of a community, honoring the wisdom of ants and bees. 

Pain

Have you ever wondered what was the role of pain in your life? In my leadership quest, I was recently prompted to reflect on the fact that pain has often been a big motivator in my life. It has proven to be an excellent trigger towards transformation. I often moved country, even continent, to get as far away as possible from a painful relationship or a break-up. I also changed jobs as a result of challenging professional experiences. Already as a young girl, painful moments were often the sign of personal growth.  Even physical pain, in the form of a car accident for instance, triggered a new awareness in my life pointing to the need to let go and be more receptive than constantly in a “doing” mode. Yes, pain has been an engine of change in my life.

Pain in its various forms: physical, emotional, spiritual, can indeed serve as one of life’s great teachers. However, pain is meant to pass. The problem with pain lies with the tendency we have, especially as adult, to hang on to it unconsciously as if it was a way of existing. We are in pain therefore we are… This is at the core of the victim pattern. Similarly, we can reject it and decide that the emotions that go along with pain are detrimental to our well-being. We thus develop coping mechanisms to avoid pain and the discomfort of emotions, either bottling up painful experiences and ignoring them or running away from them. In fact, we might even believe that staying away from what hurts, be it relationships or new opportunities, is the best way to avoid rejection and protect ourselves, unaware of the energy devoted to keeping something as important at bay, and the wasted opportunities to learn from life through all its experiences.

You are not meant to live in a shoebox, nor in cotton. Life is about experiences and choices, good and bad, to learn about what you like and dislike and lead the way from a place of desire and greater wisdom. If you notice that the same painful experiences present themselves, open up and embrace the pain, whether it is an old or a new pain, so that it finds the path to go through you and transform you in the process. However, the most transformative experience of all and a true leadership quest lies with the conscious decision to no longer learn from pain but to learn from joy.

Inner strength and leadership

So often in our world we think of inner strength as a leadership quality that arises from a place of firm determination, a will to succeed at all costs, a confidence that inspires and brings people along. My lessons learned in developing my own inner strength in life have taught me differently. I have often heard people mention me as a strong woman, which often mystified me. I came to discover that what is perceived as a strong woman lies with the ability to listen to one’s inner wisdom, one’s true self in any given situation. I came to understand that a woman does not need to step into an assertive role to act effectively. She needs to be in touch with her insight and sense of compassion to truly demonstrate the depth of her strength.

The challenge is that there is no instruction manual to get in touch with who we are deep down, tapping into intuition and listening to that inner wisdom. In fact, we are not born with it; it is a lifelong journey. We may have a number of predispositions early on, but we have to develop them–grow them–through self-discovery. The lessons keep coming, along with the mistakes and misadventures along the way. As we investigate the “why” and “how” through this active process, we write our own instruction manual.

You may think that your determination in pursuing your career, or your life’s work, buckling up and barreling down shows how to lead the way. However, it is less the goal and the end result that will show leadership than the feelings along the way when you want to run away and throw it all away in the face of despair. These feelings are what will make you look more at who you are and become more of who you are, no matter how uncomfortable and scary. When you’re tired of pushing something down or running away from it, you will express yourself fully and realize that you are not alone in this darkness, ultimately coming out, on the other side feeling stronger and wiser. This is resilience! Resilience is the secret to get to the treasure buried within, the energy and inspiration that will ultimately lead you forward, and allow you to lead others with insight and compassion.