Tag: leadership

Pain

Have you ever wondered what was the role of pain in your life? In my leadership quest, I was recently prompted to reflect on the fact that pain has often been a big motivator in my life. It has proven to be an excellent trigger towards transformation. I often moved country, even continent, to get as far away as possible from a painful relationship or a break-up. I also changed jobs as a result of challenging professional experiences. Already as a young girl, painful moments were often the sign of personal growth.  Even physical pain, in the form of a car accident for instance, triggered a new awareness in my life pointing to the need to let go and be more receptive than constantly in a “doing” mode. Yes, pain has been an engine of change in my life.

Pain in its various forms: physical, emotional, spiritual, can indeed serve as one of life’s great teachers. However, pain is meant to pass. The problem with pain lies with the tendency we have, especially as adult, to hang on to it unconsciously as if it was a way of existing. We are in pain therefore we are… This is at the core of the victim pattern. Similarly, we can reject it and decide that the emotions that go along with pain are detrimental to our well-being. We thus develop coping mechanisms to avoid pain and the discomfort of emotions, either bottling up painful experiences and ignoring them or running away from them. In fact, we might even believe that staying away from what hurts, be it relationships or new opportunities, is the best way to avoid rejection and protect ourselves, unaware of the energy devoted to keeping something as important at bay, and the wasted opportunities to learn from life through all its experiences.

You are not meant to live in a shoebox, nor in cotton. Life is about experiences and choices, good and bad, to learn about what you like and dislike and lead the way from a place of desire and greater wisdom. If you notice that the same painful experiences present themselves, open up and embrace the pain, whether it is an old or a new pain, so that it finds the path to go through you and transform you in the process. However, the most transformative experience of all and a true leadership quest lies with the conscious decision to no longer learn from pain but to learn from joy.

Inner calm and leadership

I moved into a brand new office space about a year ago. I have been struck at people’s reaction whenever I have meetings in this office. So often, I hear the very same phrases: “oh it feels so nice in your office; it is calm and peaceful here; I love coming to your office.” I wondered what it was in this office that had such an impact on people. Our work environment is highly stressful, with a pervasive state of uncertainty when it comes to people’s future in the organization. I have developed an ability to maintain a sense of calm in the midst of the surrounding chaos. People seem able to feel this calmness just coming to my office, as if it was activating their own sense of calm.

We all need to be able to reconnect with our sense of calmness to function in this world, and I have come to realize that in today’s chaotic world, people are looking at those of us who can connect to this inner calm to cope themselves, and lead the way for others to weather the storm. People are increasingly caught up in either emotions throwing them off when disturbing news come their way, or unrelenting thoughts about what might happen next. Both emotions and thoughts activate each other in a vicious circle that get them confused and helpless in the face of external challenges, even if this does not (yet) affect them directly.

It should be helpful to remember that you do not need to fully understand what is happening around you, nor to anticipate what will happen to you in future. You only need to locate the stillness within, at the center of your heart, to find composure in most situations. You only need to find peace with what is happening, let it come without resistance, and let it pass. Leaders have an innate clarity about that process and the place within, which can help others recognize their own.

Celebrate your talents

In leadership coaching, I am often enquiring from people whether they can identify their zone of genius. I usually come across a clear barrier whereby individuals are reluctant to consider that they may be harboring a “zone of genius” within them. This tends to sound “too much” for most. They laugh at the very words. Indeed, it seems difficult to most of us to recognize that we are great in many ways. However, the question is: where are you making your best contribution in life? The challenge is that when we are unaware and not making use of our gifts, we are feeling unfulfilled and we disconnect from our very purpose in life.

We all are born with special talents, which allow us to make a contribution to our family, friends, surroundings, even to our country and world. It is nonetheless common that these talents are not immediately obvious to us. They are buried and we are not necessarily amenable to exploring them. We may even feel that they are not worthy of note, or worse, we wish we did not have them! We tend to be more drawn to the talents of others, which may actually be a mirror image of our own (still buried). Bottom line, we usually overlook our gifts, be it to make people feel welcome, to delight the whole neighborhood by our gardening, or pioneer new ideas at work and elsewhere. Often we hear it in conversations as people point out to these gifts, but we are dismissive.

You need to discover and acknowledge your special gift, as it is your best way to express yourself in this life and to find meaning in your existence. If you feel challenged naming your gift, ask around you what people think your most overlooked talent is. This may change your life…and, in turn, help others discover their zones of genius. Tell a friend how his or her ability to listen is a true gift, or a colleague how his or her ideas always illuminate your horizon, or your child how he or she has a way of making you feel special. When we can all focus on our special talents, and realize our value and contribution, this will make a better world.

Leaders of the impossible

One of the most useful lessons I learned in my lifetime is that nothing is impossible. I grew up mostly on my own, as an only child with working parents, at a time when it was not rare to see children home alone, relying on the community around them to keep an eye out for them. I often came across issues that, as a child, seemed insurmountable. But with time and persistence, I came to realize that there is always a solution; nothing stays insurmountable for long; everything passes; and nothing has to be impossible.

I discovered three steps to overcome anything in life. The first one is to remind yourself and firmly believe that nothing is impossible, if you set your mind to it. It provides the necessary courage and persistence to move through your challenge.

The second step is to believe in yourself, seek within and realize the number of ideas that can come to you. Remember that you do not need the best solution. You just need a solution to try things out. You also need to act, to choose, so as to start moving beyond what is obstructing your path.

The third step is to look around and think of others. Enlist the support of your network, friends, and family. The more people thinking in the same direction, the more solutions can be found and paths created. You can also think of people who have turned adversity into success, and thus gain a larger perspective. Others can be a source of inspiration. In our darkest hours, we can always resort to the deep knowing that there is light at the end of the tunnel, and there is no need to feel helpless. We have the resources to find our way out. We are created that way! Taking the first step is all it takes; the next ones will appear. Believing in ourselves, we will always prevail.