Tag: leadership

What kind of a parent/leader are you?

What if parenting is not solely, or even fundamentally, about growing up our kids, but rather about growing ourselves up?

I have lived with that question with great affection, looking at my son and feeling utterly grateful for the lessons over many years. I did not yet know when he was little that his playfulness, candor, integrity, and trust were traits I badly needed to re-learn. However, I knew when I saw these traits slowly take backstage, as he was becoming a young adult, that he would have to learn them again, just like me, with his own kids. He knew somehow, as he often said over the past years, that he would need to marry someone who would know how to teach, train, and be the adult because he would most likely be the playmate for his kids.

If we ask most parents what is parenting, they are bound to answer something like: training, mentoring, teaching, passing on to help little ones become adults, essentially to shape those entrusted in their care. This may very well be, but what if this was not the only part of parenting? This is perhaps even the least important part in today’s world, when we badly need to rethink our way forward.

Are you prepared to believe that your kids know things you do not? Are you willing to revisit your childhood and complete with your kids what you could not complete the first time around? What if parenting was a great invitation to rethink your reality and the way forward in your life, as everything is changing around us fast. Are you prepared to look at your children and those of others, as a way to heal what is broken and wounded in yourselves and our society?

Leadership and loss of control

Leadership is often associated to being in charge, in command, and in control. Yet my most memorable leadership experiences have been when I lost control. Like many, over the years, I have envisioned myself going places, achieving a number of things. I developed visions and plans to get there. In fact, I was particularly good at it. But the hard part and where I truly learned about leadership was when life took me to places where I did not want to go – at least consciously. I would feel that something had gone wrong and that I made a mistake. My fault or not, this would always be associated with some disheartening possibility.

What if things going wrong were to take us to a place where we needed to go for reasons deeper than our own ability to reason? What if these detours and disruptions were necessary to shake us loose of an illusion of control? It usually takes something major to wake us up, and the point is rarely to go back to what we know, but rather to remind us that the way forward lies in what we do not know. How many discoveries were made by accident, changing the course of history? These major wake up calls soften us and make us vulnerable to the point where we can release our resistance and let go of control, of what we know and understand.

You may have visited this undesirable place lately, where your response to difficulty has prompted you to witness some of the patterns of behavior that come up unconsciously, unresolved emotional baggage that stands in the way of an easier life, a more joyful existence. It takes courage to face these moments, surrender to what is, and leadership to create a new path rather than return to familiar ways of being and doing things. You will only get a finite number of opportunities to change course and emerge transformed. What is true individually, also applies internationally.

Leadership and the unknown

As I look at the world today for the first time probably ever engaging in one single conversation called coronavirus, I am struck by the reality of facing the unknown. To me, this is an interesting opportunity to venture beyond the comfort of our normal life, beyond the safety of all that we have come to trust in this life. To many, this pandemic is a scary situation, which could strike nearly anyone and cause death for as long as there is no reliable medication or vaccine. To others, it is simply a pain, restricting their freedom. To a smaller number of people, this is an opportunity to do things they never have time to do or venture on a new path without a net. To me, this is the time to trust without seeing and enjoy life from a place of balance and support, even if I cannot tell what is coming tomorrow.

We may find it challenging to move without a safety net in life, like a tightrope walker. However, the net is a barrier to experiencing new things, protecting us from failing, if not falling, and ultimately an obstacle to the freedom of doing things differently. Change is inherent to life, and we spend so much time edging against the risks it entails. But what we have learned to trust can surprise us at any moment, and life presents itself again with a multitude of possibilities, all scarier than the other, and we feel alive again. Remove the fear from the equation with a net, and possibilities will shrink.

When you face the unknown and take a few tentative steps despite the fear, you discover that you can attract support into your life by simply trusting. You will meet a soft landing that you could not have anticipated. From this experience comes the highest and best experience of personal growth. It takes being willing to get past the fear of the unknown, the safety net you have relied on for so long, and to trust without knowing. It is a matter of knowing that you will always make the best from whatever comes your way. Trust in yourself to lead your best life.

How to lead in the absence of gathering

Fellowship is crucial to humanity’s wellbeing. I belong to many small groups and thrive on gathering with like-minded individuals and being of service to people around me. At a time when real-life is interfering with our efforts to come together, nurturing or creating a sense of community will be essential. I believe the aspirations, interests and needs to come together will be felt increasingly, and I would encourage people to consider the importance of forming groups, gathering their tribe.

Forming groups is an invitation to companionship and camaraderie into a circle of support. You may feel driven to found groups around activities that can be managed virtually at a time when gathering is challenging. We may find that groups of like-minded individuals are inherently exclusive as they serve as a support network to those who have something in common, but leadership can help transcend the boundaries that might otherwise keep people apart. We need to cultivate from the outset an inclusive and diverse group open to engaging with others to ensure that the group will grow and thrive as a result.

You will likely come across the discouragement of seeing people reluctant to engage actively, waiting to see how the group evolves. The challenge will be greater in the absence of physical gathering. But intention will be key. You will be tested by others wondering whether you are truly committed to serving with your heart and soul. In fact, your vision and intention to serve will be the seed that will eventually grow into nurturing a community long beyond your own role in the inception of the group and even your own presence, staying true to its original purpose. The group will develop its own life cycle and evolve along the way for as long as it will remain coherent with its core purpose, and resonate with people and the environment. Leadership is about giving the impulse and keeping coherence and resonance alive.