Tag: connections

Leadership versus “going it alone”

There is something very special about seeing an old friend coming back into one’s life. I received a message recently from an old friend from high school, who found me through social media. Thirty years may have passed since our last encounter. I was as startled as if a ghost had visited, and a rush of joy as if I had lost a precious gift and found it again.

Every person that passes through our lives makes a contribution; some are brief appearances, others significant challenges, but many add to our life stories. When fate brings old friends back into our lives, there is always a reason or some meaning. It helps reconnect with a part of us we may have forgotten, bringing a missing piece from our lifelong puzzle, a part of us we lost and needed to nurture, another opportunity to address an old situation to move forward.

If this hasn’t yet happened to you, you may be meant to initiate the experience and reach out to an old friend. Be sure to look beyond the surprise of the moment to grasp the deeper meaning this gift reveals. You may realize how we are not meant to discover our path on our own. It is through connections and reconnections that we find our way. Leadership isn’t about going it alone.

Fear of failure

The fear of failure is a common experience that can be changed. Everyone has fears and they exist for a reason. Fear is an important mechanism to protect us and help us deal with a potential danger. The challenge is that fear may keep us from participating fully in life and venture outside of our zone of comfort. We have to realize that fear shows up by anticipation, based on previous experiences, not only as a response to real and present danger. Fear is based on thoughts that are stored and used as data in our mind to elicit certain responses. Once we realize the mechanism, we can choose to hack our own computer of a brain, and trigger a different response. We can always generate new reactions, new brain connections by choosing new thoughts. 

What if failure was a good thing?What if failure was a way to learn and innovate, a technic to master (fail, fail and fail better), a path towards mastery. I remember thinking that failure should be taught in school. There are so many things to learn from failures. It leads to a gradual process of reconquering lost ground to be repeated over and over again towards success, like a child learning to walk – falling time and again – until he or she finds balance.

You may feel that you stand out when you fail, that all eyes are on you, and nobody could be as bad as you. These feelings are common, but you can overcome them, especially if you disconnect the fear triggered by the thought of failing. When you learn to observe your thoughts and their connections to the way you feel, you can find a way to change the feeling around the thought of failing. Think and feel the positive charge around failing. You will gain freedom, no longer ruled by the fear to fail.

Motivation will get you far

One of the leadership qualities I often lack is motivation. How many times did I approach a competition without the necessary motivation? I have often wondered and looked into motivation over the years, and I would like to share with you the formula I discovered to raise your motivation. The good news is that it is a skill that can be learned, according to some empirical research. So here is how you can shift the quality of your motivation, achieve your goals, and thrive. You need three ingredients:

1.              Create a choice: You need to perceive that you have options within boundaries and you are not obligated, but rather in control of your actions. Motivation will die the minute you feel that something is imposed on you and you are the victim. This is why diet does not work… the minute you tell yourself that you cannot have that piece of chocolate, your choice is gone and the motivation with it! To create choice, you just have to ask yourself: What choices have I made to reach this point? What choices do I have in order to move forward?

2.              Create connections: You need to connect your goals and actions to something meaningful, a sense of purpose that contributes to something greater than yourself. You will have to find a meaningful reason for pursuing that goal beyond external rewards, pressure, or fear. We all need to create connections to feel a sense of belonging and genuine relationships to others. The question here is: Why do I want to achieve this? How meaningful it is to me and others?How meaningful is it to carry on with this diet?

3.              Create competence: You need to link your goal to how this is helping you grow and learn. Competence is more than getting the job done. It is about feeling effective in managing your daily tasks, demonstrating skills over time, and a sense of growth and learning. This is why it is hard to maintain a diet. You focus on the outcome rather than the growth and learning experience, emphasizing progress, rather than beating yourself up over not being perfect. The question here is: What have I learned?

Notice when you create choice, connection, and competence, you feel a greater sense of well-being. On the flip side, when choice, connections, and competence diminish, you feel pressure, stress, and fear or frustration. You may still achieve your goal, but it will be at a high cost to your health and well-being. Whether you wish to lose weigh, prepare your tax return, get a new job, or stop a bad habit, you need motivation! This is one aspect of leadership in your life.