Tag: compassion

Leadership and parenthood

In my conversation on leadership with interested friends and colleagues these past weeks, I had a meaningful exchange that prompted me to reflect on the link between leadership and motherhood. I am writing today with that conversation in mind, hoping to contribute to my friend’s reflection on the subject. I recall writing in this blog how raising my son had helped me develop my leadership skills, but what specific skills in parenthood, and in what concrete aspects of leadership did parenthood prove useful?

Leadership is being redefined today to meet the demands of a workforce that is essentially seeking out in its job: personal growth, increased connectedness, and making a difference in the world. The new leadership paradigm is slowly shifting towards a socially responsible workforce in demand of greater diversity, equity, and inclusion. Recent research (https://www.potentialproject.com/nl/) seems to validate this analysis when it indicates that the key characteristics of effective leaders in today’s world are rooted in mindfulness, selflessness, and compassion. 

Parenthood is a tremendous asset in developing these characteristics. Mindful leaders combining focus and awareness are rare. We often encounter a distracted leadership, essentially on autopilot, self-absorbed by the nonstop demand on its time. As a parent, we hardly have a choice. Children will quickly see through an absent-minded parent, and demand a greater level of awareness. Moreover, research shows a propensity of leaders today focusing on self, rather than service to others with humility. As a parent, we hopefully discover early two key responsibilities: cultivating a sense of belonging and inclusion for the child to establish solid roots while, at the same time, providing inspiration for the child to ultimately take off and fly solo. Selflessness is core to parenting. As for compassion, it remains controversial as a sign of weakness when leadership still is often associated with strength. It is a mistake to associate compassion with softness. Parenthood teaches us that, on the contrary, compassion is rooted in courage and strength, accepting the need to have difficult conversations and make tough decisions for the benefit of the child. It is about giving feedback that may not be welcome, but that is required for the higher good of our children. As a parent, we get to experience and master the art of being unpopular with humility in service of someone else’s well-being.

Inner strength and leadership

So often in our world we think of inner strength as a leadership quality that arises from a place of firm determination, a will to succeed at all costs, a confidence that inspires and brings people along. My lessons learned in developing my own inner strength in life have taught me differently. I have often heard people mention me as a strong woman, which often mystified me. I came to discover that what is perceived as a strong woman lies with the ability to listen to one’s inner wisdom, one’s true self in any given situation. I came to understand that a woman does not need to step into an assertive role to act effectively. She needs to be in touch with her insight and sense of compassion to truly demonstrate the depth of her strength.

The challenge is that there is no instruction manual to get in touch with who we are deep down, tapping into intuition and listening to that inner wisdom. In fact, we are not born with it; it is a lifelong journey. We may have a number of predispositions early on, but we have to develop them–grow them–through self-discovery. The lessons keep coming, along with the mistakes and misadventures along the way. As we investigate the “why” and “how” through this active process, we write our own instruction manual.

You may think that your determination in pursuing your career, or your life’s work, buckling up and barreling down shows how to lead the way. However, it is less the goal and the end result that will show leadership than the feelings along the way when you want to run away and throw it all away in the face of despair. These feelings are what will make you look more at who you are and become more of who you are, no matter how uncomfortable and scary. When you’re tired of pushing something down or running away from it, you will express yourself fully and realize that you are not alone in this darkness, ultimately coming out, on the other side feeling stronger and wiser. This is resilience! Resilience is the secret to get to the treasure buried within, the energy and inspiration that will ultimately lead you forward, and allow you to lead others with insight and compassion.