Category: transformative leadership

Trust in life

Are you prepared to trust the unknown or do you need a safety net to edge against risks in life? It would seem rational to choose the security and comfort of a safety net, at least to take the first steps, until you feel that you have what it takes to walk a tightrope. I would argue, however, that the safety net robs you of the freedom to venture beyond the well-known. Remove the net, feel the fear and trust…

What is the worst that can happen? We trust and we fail. That may just be what is needed to discover the wings that we never knew we had. When we open up to the unknown, we also (re)discover others. By showing up as vulnerable, we magically attract support into our lives. By trusting that life will provide what we need, an unexpected rescue team will ensure soft landing; an eye-opening experience will catch us falling. Trusting that we are not alone in life is a major shift in the way we lead our lives.

Perhaps, we don’t fall completely. We just end up in a place we do not like. We did not fail, necessarily, but we feel something went wrong; we made a mistake along the way; or we feel that life is unfair; and we struggle to maintain an illusion of control. And yet it is in the loss of control that lies the gift: the importance of others, the awareness that we know little and that life is about what we do not know and what we do not see. Indeed, the best in life is always immaterial, to be experienced through others, and lies hidden within beyond darkness. Leading through darkness, the unknown, requires trust and the ability to show vulnerability to others, more than standing alone with strength and assurances.

Leaders and inner strength

When I look back on my life, I am amazed at how I managed to survive the many trials and tribulations in my path, and I am sure this resonates with many of you. We all seem to underestimate how much we can handle, but life has a way of showing us the way to a hidden reserve. Whether we get to it through sheer willpower cutting through our resistance, or whether we overcome our inner blocks through compassion for our predicament, we always seem to reach for a new level of understanding of our inner strength.

Over time men and women have developed their own leadership styles, either fighting their way through, enduring one loss after another, opening the way for others to catch their breath, wondering when life will offer a break, or simply accepting overwhelm, exhaustion and offering compassion and unconditional support to themselves and others. Yet, women and men alike have suffered from internal barriers to receiving the level of support they need to succeed.

Have you noticed how this manifests in your life? You do not want to appear weak, inadequate, or needy. You do not want to be indebted to someone else. You do not want to burden others with your problems. How many of you are actually seeking support to overcome your challenges? In our western masculine culture, we celebrate the power of the individual and we have long held the belief that we are weak, inadequate, and somehow flawed when we cannot master our own lives by ourselves. We are essentially suffering from a “support deficit.”

There is an alternative based on a different belief, i.e.: “you cannot become your powerful self by yourself.” Through this different approach, leadership for yourself and others is more of a team sport than a solo race. Leadership becomes less and less about inner strength to face up to your personal or collective challenges. It anchors instead in a shared commitment to feed each other power and to support one another to step into our full potential. For this type of leadership we need to level up our relationships, rather than rely on inner strength. This approach speaks of trust and the willingness to be vulnerable, and will be addressed in our next blogs. See you there!

Leadership one step at a time

Have you noticed how the place in your stomach that contracts when you experience fear is the same place where you experience excitement? We ultimately decide in our minds whether we feel thrilled or whether we are scared. The feeling starts where many feelings originate. And what if we decided that this feeling in the stomach and beating heart was not fear, but the sign of excitement with butterflies in the stomach, as when we fall in love? Do we actually have an opportunity to stop indulging our anxiety and choose to embrace a new opportunity?

I was struck one day when my son decided to experience jumping from a plane with a parachute. He went within the space of a couple of days from sheer excitement and joy to paralyzing fear, and back to thrill once he did it, ready to do it again. I realized the power of aligning our thoughts with our emotions to actually make things happen or stop dead in our tracks.

Let us look briefly at our beliefs. There is nothing wrong with being afraid, provided that it does not stop us from doing what we feel excited to do. Leadership in our lives has a lot to do with feeling comfortable with our level of fear. Mostly, it is about aligning our thoughts and emotions. Reframing things in our mind can go a long way in changing our emotional state. We can create new connections by choosing new thoughts. We often assume that leaders are fearless people. In reality, anyone can cultivate the ability to feel the fear and do it anyway. Just think that you may just be excited…

If it is important to change your mental state from resistance to openness, it is equally important to create new experiences, overcoming fears step by step, through a gradual process, repeating the experience until a level of comfort takes root. Do you recall learning to swim, or to ride a bicycle? You may have felt fear at first, but as you learned and grew more comfortable, the fear turned to excitement.

In other words, it is not the absence of fear that determines leadership! It is the ability to realign our thoughts with our emotions, and practice this realignment over and over again, becoming in charge of life running through our veins.

What kind of a warrior are you?

I grew up in a family where life was a struggle. You had to earn everything. Nothing came easy. I ended up working for an organization that dealt with wars and defense issues. Do you see the power of core beliefs? The trouble is that it was not who I was fundamentally. My own essence had more to do with healing and compassion. Embracing all the fights I encountered in my life, I had to rediscover the path to gentleness and easiness. On the way, I came to understand that I could be either, and embodied both the warrior and the peacemaker.

Human beings seem to harbor opposite characteristics within themselves, such as the overbearing and overstepping warrior, as well as the moderate and careful peacemaker. Life calls on us to explore at times the way of the warrior and at other times to play the role of conciliator. In fact, what may appear as contradictory roles can coexist peacefully within ourselves. Exploring these contradictions helps us navigate the various sides to our personalities and develop integrity, finding the right balance and adapting to various situations in changing circumstances.

As you travel your own set of contractions towards integrating your different faces, you will become more open to transformation and literally open up to others. You will see in differences the very evolutionary opportunities you need in order to live a rich life. You will recognize your own willingness to stand up for what you believe in, at a particular time and in a particular place, while providing enough room around you for others to choose different roles and another path altogether. You will not feel threatened in your own integrity by the beliefs of others. On the contrary, this will help you greatly to strive and incorporate the views and ideals of others into your mere existence, broadening your reality, thereby enriching your own ability to meet life’s challenges.

In questioning courageously our core beliefs, integrating wholeheartedly our various inner faces, we will fight the good fight and live peacefully with each other.