leadership Archives - HEALING INTERNATIONAL RELATIONS

Leadership and parenthood

In my conversation on leadership with interested friends and colleagues these past weeks, I had a meaningful exchange that prompted me to reflect on the link between leadership and motherhood. I am writing today with that conversation in mind, hoping to contribute to my friend’s reflection on the subject. I recall writing in this blog how raising my son had helped me develop my leadership skills, but what specific skills in parenthood, and in what concrete aspects of leadership did parenthood prove useful?

Leadership is being redefined today to meet the demands of a workforce that is essentially seeking out in its job: personal growth, increased connectedness, and making a difference in the world. The new leadership paradigm is slowly shifting towards a socially responsible workforce in demand of greater diversity, equity, and inclusion. Recent research (https://www.potentialproject.com/nl/) seems to validate this analysis when it indicates that the key characteristics of effective leaders in today’s world are rooted in mindfulness, selflessness, and compassion.

Parenthood is a tremendous asset in developing these characteristics. Mindful leaders combining focus and awareness are rare. We often encounter a distracted leadership, essentially on autopilot, self-absorbed by the nonstop demand on its time. As a parent, we hardly have a choice. Children will quickly see through an absent-minded parent, and demand a greater level of awareness. Moreover, research shows a propensity of leaders today focusing on self, rather than service to others with humility. As a parent, we hopefully discover early two key responsibilities: cultivating a sense of belonging and inclusion for the child to establish solid roots while, at the same time, providing inspiration for the child to ultimately take off and fly solo. Selflessness is core to parenting. As for compassion, it remains controversial as a sign of weakness when leadership still is often associated with strength. It is a mistake to associate compassion with softness. Parenthood teaches us that, on the contrary, compassion is rooted in courage and strength, accepting the need to have difficult conversations and make tough decisions for the benefit of the child. It is about giving feedback that may not be welcome, but that is required for the higher good of our children. As a parent, we get to experience and master the art of being unpopular with humility in service of someone else’s well-being.

Success beyond limits

Everyone knows the saying “there is a limit to what we can do.” Indeed, we all define and thereby limit our potential in the course of life. For most of us, there is power in knowing our own personal limits, so as not to overextend ourselves. Yet in principle, as we often tell our kids: “the sky is the limit.” There are so many paths, so many options, so many experiences to choose from in life that it is often difficult to determine and accept our limits. We are all born with unique aptitudes and develop personal desires which help us determine the path we wish to travel, while our bodies through stress, discomfort, and other forms of resistance let us know the range of our comfort zone. Observing when we feel drained give us insight as to our respective limits.

I have observed for myself that my attitude towards limits is usually to push beyond. I always do my best work when I get just beyond the limits of my comfort zone, where I extend the range of my capabilities. Others might thrive within their own limits, actively shaping their circumstances. Indeed what inspires or invigorates one individual may exhaust or overwhelm another. I noticed, however, that there is another type of limit that I periodically come up against, where I once decided that “no” this was not for me. I was not going to do this type of job; I was not interested in this field; I did not like this person. Each time I set such a threshold, life has a way to push me against my own limits, and I have been surprised to discover that my limits thereby change over time. In fact, my willingness to get beyond these limits has helped me flourish in many ways.

You may discover as you go about life that your limits are there to be gently transgressed. They reveal themselves as a way to smoothen your passage through life. You realize that you become a “bigger” person for overcoming your upper limits. Ultimately, the best things in life are those that cannot be quantified, that are essentially unlimited. Looking at one’s life, success could be summed up in three questions: Did I love enough? Did I give enough? Did I live enough? Pushing the limits in these regards may just be the way to go!

10 Ways to tap into your leadership potential

These past few years I have written at length about leadership from various angles: what I discovered from my own experience, what I have observed around me, what may be more relevant for women, and what I have come to understand. In helping others develop their own leadership skills I have discovered 10 ways to tap into your leadership potential. Let me share with you today the following tips:

Be clear and deliberate. Do not get caught up in details and slow down – enjoy the ride in life!

Stay connected to your own voice. It is essential to be anchored from within. Develop a solid sense of self.

Make sure you can stand silence, and seek moments of stillness away from noise to remain in touch with yourself.

Give support to others through connections, even if only your presence.

Nurture your ties to your community. If you do not have a tribe, create one: friends, neighbors, colleagues, loved ones. You need others, their support, guidance, and companionship.

Choose carefully what you let into your space: i.e. people, information, vibrations, food, noise.

Be mindful of the beauty around you and all that makes your heart sing.

Look at the big picture and realize that your approach to life is one of many. Widen your perspective and open up to other views, cultures, and ways of doing things.

Keep on your toes and challenge yourself. Avoid routine. Life is never dull.

Be active: your body needs movement and you need energy and vitality.

Presence and Leadership

“Who you are speaks so loudly that I cannot hear what you are saying.” Maya Angelou

For a few years already, I have offered posts in this blog about the unique contribution individuals can make to the world and the power we all have to impact our context and the international environment more broadly. I have devoted much attention to leadership skills and self-awareness to lead from a place of integrity. I have spent much time reflecting on our unique perspectives as individuals, based on our experiences, our desires and specific strength, on how we think, feel, and act. I also ventured into the power of vulnerability, investigating how our struggles, failures, weaknesses can become our strength and how our vulnerability can be the seat of our own power. I want to write today about our unique presence.

We have all faced situations where we are called upon to help another through difficult times. We are usually more at ease with concrete actions, be it running errands or meeting specific requests, but how to just “be there” for someone is far less obvious and usually more challenging. It is a matter of holding space for someone to express feelings or simply being silent, offering a safe place. We thus become a container for someone else to pour out the overflow or simply share what is too heavy. This is when presence becomes powerful. Our presence alone may liberate others.

Your presence requires steadiness, centeredness, stability, and benevolence for another to lean in, feeling free, safe, and supported. There is no real need to talk or do anything, just be responsive without taking the lead, but still leading by allowing the other to find balance and dictate the flow of conversation. Being aware and open, you can gently steer another to find a stable place and recover his/her own balance. This type of leadership requires humility and awareness. It rests on the ability to be non-judgmental and step out of the way, realizing that this is not about us, simply allowing for the process to unfold. This is a real gift from your part; one that has not yet surfaced and found its place in international settings.