Category: leadership

Vulnerability in leadership

I love to watch trees in the autumn. It used to be I liked them most because of the colours, notably in Canada! However, with age I notice in forests around me how trees grow wider each passing year. I see the bark they shed regularly, as they outgrow these boundaries. I reflect on how nature shows us the way to grow personally by shedding our boundaries, our defenses, originally designed to protect us. The point is that what has once protected us becomes an impediment to our ability to expand and become our full potential.

We all need a layer of protection as we grow to face the many challenges in life. We all have a vulnerable core that needs defenses, so as to develop as grown-ups, and to heal when hurt. The delicate process of personal growth, however, requires that we soften and loosen up to shed those boundaries if we are to continuously grow. Many of us prefer to stay safe and start feeling constricted in our environment, not realizing that the constriction is actually imposed from within, from an inability to question the structures and the defense mechanisms we ourselves have put in place.

You may have decided as you age that life is less about you and more about others, from children to grandchildren and beyond. You may have chosen to become of service to your community and lead in some respect for the benefit of others. However, looking at the trees, this is less about shifting your focus to others, and more about becoming wider. It is not about disappearing yourself so much as becoming large enough to hold yourself and others. This requires an important process of questioning your defenses and softening to release the previous boundaries and grow so as to create a new space for yourself and others. This is about leadership in community building.

Motivation will get you far

One of the leadership qualities I often lack is motivation. How many times did I approach a competition without the necessary motivation? I have often wondered and looked into motivation over the years, and I would like to share with you the formula I discovered to raise your motivation. The good news is that it is a skill that can be learned, according to some empirical research. So here is how you can shift the quality of your motivation, achieve your goals, and thrive. You need three ingredients:

1.              Create a choice: You need to perceive that you have options within boundaries and you are not obligated, but rather in control of your actions. Motivation will die the minute you feel that something is imposed on you and you are the victim. This is why diet does not work… the minute you tell yourself that you cannot have that piece of chocolate, your choice is gone and the motivation with it! To create choice, you just have to ask yourself: What choices have I made to reach this point? What choices do I have in order to move forward?

2.              Create connections: You need to connect your goals and actions to something meaningful, a sense of purpose that contributes to something greater than yourself. You will have to find a meaningful reason for pursuing that goal beyond external rewards, pressure, or fear. We all need to create connections to feel a sense of belonging and genuine relationships to others. The question here is: Why do I want to achieve this? How meaningful it is to me and others?How meaningful is it to carry on with this diet?

3.              Create competence: You need to link your goal to how this is helping you grow and learn. Competence is more than getting the job done. It is about feeling effective in managing your daily tasks, demonstrating skills over time, and a sense of growth and learning. This is why it is hard to maintain a diet. You focus on the outcome rather than the growth and learning experience, emphasizing progress, rather than beating yourself up over not being perfect. The question here is: What have I learned?

Notice when you create choice, connection, and competence, you feel a greater sense of well-being. On the flip side, when choice, connections, and competence diminish, you feel pressure, stress, and fear or frustration. You may still achieve your goal, but it will be at a high cost to your health and well-being. Whether you wish to lose weigh, prepare your tax return, get a new job, or stop a bad habit, you need motivation! This is one aspect of leadership in your life.

Leadership lies within your story

Many of us enjoy reading a good biography. From Alexander the Great to the Great Catherine, I remember learning about a country through these voluminous biographies. Beyond historical figures, from people often in the news to complete strangers, everyone has a story. I recall my friend telling me how she loves taking the bus and engaging in conversations daily about where people are from. Indeed, we all have different paths and a fascinating story to share, if we take the time to listen, stay curious, and care to reach out to others.

Curiously, the story we least listen to is our own.  We do hear from family members and friends about episodes in our lives, but we rarely have this overall picture through our own biography.  Yet our path, the lessons learned, the choices made, the achievements, and even more the failures contributed to the unique perspective we have developed in life. It is a treasure trove waiting to be explored. 

In fact, your life may be your workshop to give – the path you developed to get through trials and tribulations, to enjoy different points of view (all yours!) from different periods of life. It leads you to greater awareness of who you are as a person. It also allows you to share because, in the end, your life is not only yours. It is your story to tell. It may help others, either through resonance or because of its contrast, comforting those who chose a different path. We each have something to contribute from the way we lead our lives.

Today’s adversarial leadership

There are many styles of leadership. While I have been advocating positive leadership or service leadership, offering insights through my blog, it is clear that we are witnessing a surge of adversarial leadership on the international scene. High-conflict leaders have recently been leading from a place of drama, resorting to false heroic postures rather than working on solving current challenges. This has provided fertile ground for the rise of authoritarian political leaders. This phenomenon is not happening in vacuum. Our current social and political environment is attracting this type of leadership.

What are the main characteristics of today’s adversarial leadership and why is it happening now? Current adversarial leaders in politics and business around the world harbor high-conflict personalities, often bordering on a psychological or social disorder, either through impaired interpersonal relationships, lack of self-reflection, or an inability to change in the face of an obvious need to redirect. They are commonly referred to as narcissists, antisocial, or paranoid. 

The four key characteristics of this leadership style today are:

  • A tendency to blame others who become targets of personal attacks;
  • An all-or-nothing approach to solving problems;
  • A show of intense emotions, impairing problem solving and conflict resolution; and,
  • A tendency to resort to extreme behaviors from which most people would refrain.

As sociopaths of narcissists, they can also be seductive and highly attractive leaders, as many high-conflict leaders from the past were known to be.

What is it in our world today that attracts such leaders? Let us look at three key factors to start with. First, the media competition and highly emotional tendencies which have monopolized viewers’ attention these past decades, glorifying extreme behaviors, normalizing conflict behaviors through antagonistic debate shows, and fear-based coverage which happen to sell best. Second, a tendency to simplify highly complex challenges such as climate change through evil scaremongers and superheroes offering fantasy solutions, yet displaying no leadership skills and no results. Third, adversarial systems offering “either/or” solutions, which play well in debates, panels and combative politics, but rely on no community-based real life progress ensuring sustainability and thrivability.

This leadership style will continue to grow until we in society recognize our personality patterns and take responsibility through our voting power and decision-making communities, from boards of directors to school councils, as well as changing ourselves. It takes a community to raise a leader!