Category: leadership

Building greater connectivity

As a “single mom” for most of my adult life, I often felt proud of my self-sufficiency. There was a sense of showing responsibility in being able to take care of my child and myself and pulling my own weight in society and in the world. However, this often led me to feel isolated and to believe that this was a “mean world” out there. Fortunately, life started pointing to the fact that I needed at times to rely on others. There were first the easy lessons: scheduling conflicts, occasional illnesses; then came the harder lessons: a major accident, losing mobility and independence. This is when I learned to let go of this belief that I had to fend for myself and be able to do it all by myself, finally accepting the help of others.

Human beings are not meant to live in isolation. Nations always pay a heavy price for isolationist policies. This is a sure way to miss an opportunity to practice acceptance and humility. By contrast, trying to escape relations of dependency, we actually generate more of a sense of uselessness and dependency. Developing relations is often the way we go about getting out of isolation. However, we have all experienced how one may feel very isolated, even surrounded by people with whom we have developed relationships. What we are seeking is genuine connection, where we expect to both give and receive, thereby exposing ourselves to a level of vulnerability and opening up to the possibility of being helped. This is a two-way street based on genuine connection without an agenda that enables us to be wiser in our service of others.

The numerous environmental catastrophes in the world today are providing ample opportunities to learn to give and receive, to change roles, and to become wiser in our service of others. It takes wisdom and strength to surrender to your own helplessness. It also brings a deeper understanding of the human experience to accept your limitations to give or to receive. The world needs greater connectivity to help us build the compassion it takes to truly rely on each other.

We are international beings

I remember when I was growing up often hearing the saying “do one thing but do it well!” I had a tendency to daydream and wander in so many directions, touching many fields of interest and feeling frustrated at the mere idea of having to choose. In school one day, my Russian teacher prevailed upon me as I was struggling to keep up with the seven foreign languages I had selected to study: choose one and focus on it!

The majority of people specialize in a single discipline and get to hone it throughout their lives, identifying first and foremost with their job, their family, or their country of origin, depending on whatever prevails when standing at the helm of their own existence. As a result, we often question our ability to make decisions in other areas regarding our health, the education of our children, or the fate of the planet. We quickly abdicate the authority and discharge the responsibility for our own lives, unable to cope with the rapid changes in our set of circumstances, from having to heal ourselves, to educate ourselves, or to partake in communities and hone the fate of the planet.

It takes a village to raise a child for a balanced life, listening to all sides, integrating all voices. You may have noticed that you tend to look at things from one particular angle, but that there are many perspectives. You may feel more inclined towards an emotional rather than a financial argument, or you may prefer to think in terms of details rather than the big picture. Make sure not to be blindsided, however, as there are many other ways of looking at our situation. We may be happier choosing one focus, but we owe it to ourselves to explore other sides.

We become (well-rounded) human beings when we open up to others’ viewpoints and become more confident in our own choices as a result, and when we become fully at ease with our changing views over time. Ultimately, it helps communicate with people from other countries about who we are, in full respect of our own and others’ biases. We are multifaceted international beings at heart.

Allow ourselves to shine

Early on as human beings, we have to choose whether life is a struggle or whether it is essentially loving. Our choice will determine the belief system that guides us through life. We all face at some point dark moments wanting to hide from the world and crawl under a rock. We all experience being hurt, angry, in fear, or simply weary of the world. Some of us go in hiding, become invisible to eventually realize that we are essentially hiding from ourselves, fighting our own demons. Others choose the light, stepping out of misery to serve the world.

We may also decide to serve the world – and ourselves for that matter – from a place of support or in opposition, depending on our perspective in life. We can promote peaceful relations or speak out in opposition to conflicts. At first glance, this may seem to aim for the same thing but the two paths could not be further apart, leading to a very different quality of life. One is inspiring change through optimism and affirmation; the other is offering a path of challenges scaring people into action. The latter may seem easier as you only have to stand up and speak out in opposition, whereas inspiring others requires developing new ideas and mustering the courage to table them for others to consider. However, the universe will respond to new ideas by expanding the realm of the possible and lightening up the path. It will get into a contracting mode when faced with opposition, and block any potential change. The forces unleashed are dramatically opposed.

When we hide and make believe that we are invisible, we let our fears get the best of us, but more importantly we diminish the potential invested in ourselves and deprive others of the unique gifts and talents we are meant to share with the world. Our stories are not ours. They are meant to be shared. We are all meant to radiate our own brilliance and lighten up the world. When we shine our light we help others get beyond their fears and shine as well. It is our personal responsibility to share our light with our community, lead the way, and let the world catch fire.

Leading from the head

Most of us are raised in societies that value the head over the heart, and so we place our head above our heart systematically when responding to our desires and needs. Our body vehemently disagrees and once in a while it steps in and gets in the way. It is usually a loud scream: STOP! Yet again we may listen and respond from the neck up, leaving our body with little or no say in the matter.

I long tried to understand how I got hit by a car; what had I done or not done that my body felt the urge to scream; and why was I feeling so grateful after this accident? My head was telling me that I was so lucky to be alive. It was going on telling myself how this had nothing to do with me; I was a pedestrian crossing where I was expected to, but the driver did not see me. Simple: he was at fault.

My heart, however, was whispering something else. I had become invisible. Even worse, I contributed to my own disappearance.

I understood how my head had kept me going, albeit feeling “stuck” in life, devising ways to cope, going around obstacles, creating circumstances preventing me from getting what I truly wanted, simply to fit in, shying away from rocking the boat, putting the needs of others first, finding excuses in my circumstances for fear of having to face my own inability to claim my success, confront others, and become visible again. I had organized to get in my own way, to dim my own light for the sake of others or simply for fear.

I realized that it takes real leadership – personal leadership – to find out. It takes leadership to want to investigate, to put yourself first, and to listen to that little voice, preferably before it becomes a scream from the heart.

When we start listening with our heart before our head, everything changes. Our brain has certainly kept us alive and ensured our survival on the planet, but it is our heart that will show us the way to well-being and thriving.

The driver had not seen me… I had become invisible. Leading from the heart rather than the head, with less thinking and more feeling, I came to a very different conclusion as to what had to be done.

As Marianne Williamson once wrote: “It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us.”