Category: feminine leadership

Rewriting your story

Our wounds and traumas are beyond what we inherit in life. They reflect what is passed on from generations to generations, the family story, but also our own difficult personal moments in life. They are not necessarily meant to be healed or forgotten. The pain inscribed in the body physically, emotionally, and spiritually becomes over time our own architecture of compassion to relate to others and humanity at large: a window into what might become, a pathway to change against all odds, our groundbreaking work, our contribution to the world.

I always wanted to make a contribution. I embraced the world from a young age. I felt this urge to travel, learn languages. I slowly woke up to the desire to transform the collective, unspoken, perhaps hidden promises of a better world. I believe we are all emerging into a new post viral world in this life time albeit at various paces; a world which will look rather different in its outer forms than the one in which I grew up. But I trust that it will carry many of the tried and true, the ancient inner wisdoms and resources from my ancestors.

Have you noticed the re-emergence of inner powers: the power of attention and attentiveness, a renewed self-confidence translated into courageous speeches? Are you aware of the hidden courage waking up inside, kicking and screaming inside like a newborn? Could it be that having stopped your normal way during lockdown, you gave some space for the unknown to manifest and transform your understanding of the destination?

Have you stumbled somehow on the way to self-enquiry?

Leadership and parenthood

In my conversation on leadership with interested friends and colleagues these past weeks, I had a meaningful exchange that prompted me to reflect on the link between leadership and motherhood. I am writing today with that conversation in mind, hoping to contribute to my friend’s reflection on the subject. I recall writing in this blog how raising my son had helped me develop my leadership skills, but what specific skills in parenthood, and in what concrete aspects of leadership did parenthood prove useful?

Leadership is being redefined today to meet the demands of a workforce that is essentially seeking out in its job: personal growth, increased connectedness, and making a difference in the world. The new leadership paradigm is slowly shifting towards a socially responsible workforce in demand of greater diversity, equity, and inclusion. Recent research (https://www.potentialproject.com/nl/) seems to validate this analysis when it indicates that the key characteristics of effective leaders in today’s world are rooted in mindfulness, selflessness, and compassion. 

Parenthood is a tremendous asset in developing these characteristics. Mindful leaders combining focus and awareness are rare. We often encounter a distracted leadership, essentially on autopilot, self-absorbed by the nonstop demand on its time. As a parent, we hardly have a choice. Children will quickly see through an absent-minded parent, and demand a greater level of awareness. Moreover, research shows a propensity of leaders today focusing on self, rather than service to others with humility. As a parent, we hopefully discover early two key responsibilities: cultivating a sense of belonging and inclusion for the child to establish solid roots while, at the same time, providing inspiration for the child to ultimately take off and fly solo. Selflessness is core to parenting. As for compassion, it remains controversial as a sign of weakness when leadership still is often associated with strength. It is a mistake to associate compassion with softness. Parenthood teaches us that, on the contrary, compassion is rooted in courage and strength, accepting the need to have difficult conversations and make tough decisions for the benefit of the child. It is about giving feedback that may not be welcome, but that is required for the higher good of our children. As a parent, we get to experience and master the art of being unpopular with humility in service of someone else’s well-being.

Inner strength and leadership

So often in our world we think of inner strength as a leadership quality that arises from a place of firm determination, a will to succeed at all costs, a confidence that inspires and brings people along. My lessons learned in developing my own inner strength in life have taught me differently. I have often heard people mention me as a strong woman, which often mystified me. I came to discover that what is perceived as a strong woman lies with the ability to listen to one’s inner wisdom, one’s true self in any given situation. I came to understand that a woman does not need to step into an assertive role to act effectively. She needs to be in touch with her insight and sense of compassion to truly demonstrate the depth of her strength.

The challenge is that there is no instruction manual to get in touch with who we are deep down, tapping into intuition and listening to that inner wisdom. In fact, we are not born with it; it is a lifelong journey. We may have a number of predispositions early on, but we have to develop them–grow them–through self-discovery. The lessons keep coming, along with the mistakes and misadventures along the way. As we investigate the “why” and “how” through this active process, we write our own instruction manual.

You may think that your determination in pursuing your career, or your life’s work, buckling up and barreling down shows how to lead the way. However, it is less the goal and the end result that will show leadership than the feelings along the way when you want to run away and throw it all away in the face of despair. These feelings are what will make you look more at who you are and become more of who you are, no matter how uncomfortable and scary. When you’re tired of pushing something down or running away from it, you will express yourself fully and realize that you are not alone in this darkness, ultimately coming out, on the other side feeling stronger and wiser. This is resilience! Resilience is the secret to get to the treasure buried within, the energy and inspiration that will ultimately lead you forward, and allow you to lead others with insight and compassion.

Women leaders: where are you?

I was invited to a significant number of workshops live and on-line this week on women in leadership. The fact that we need more women in leadership is an oxymoron. We now have robust data and it speaks for itself. Do you know the percentage of women CEOs among the Fortune 500? It is a ridiculous four percent… this is not the worst part! The fact that it seems to be going down in 2018 is shocking. It is simply unacceptable and hard to understand when you know that women represent 57 percent of college students, and about 37 percent of managers. Do I need to remind ourselves that we are talking of half of the population? How is it that women do not make it to the top? And this is not only in the business world, but it is just as bad – if not worse – in political leadership.

What is the urgency, you might ask? We are in 2018! The data shows that equal pay should occur in 2059… We are progressing at snail’s pace, and we are hindering the progress of society every day. For business, more women means higher returns. Again, check the data. Women are a big market. Moreover, diverse teams are smarter and more sustainable. No, it is not because women are less smart, or less pushy, or even more interested in life balance. There are a lot of biases out there. Women are simply wired differently, and the workplace is generally biased towards leadership based on power, control, and individualistic decisions. The good news is that it is not as if the leadership today is offering future generations a well-functioning and promising world. And the best news is that women have essentially been “outsiders” so far when it comes to leadership.

The perspective of an “outsider” is precisely what the world needs today. We need everybody’s contribution. This is not about diversity…this is about inclusion. Let us stop counting heads, and let us start making heads count!

As we look to a fast-moving and challenging world, we can no longer afford to lead without the unique contribution women can make. They have considerable experience when it comes to being left out. They know how to listen differently and translate for others. They know what it means to belong–or not –and they know how to create a different playing field. In fact, women are operating from an advantage point in today’s world, if only they would see it! Let us hear this! It is time to show up with confidence, own it, and lead with imagination, pulling our voices together, from a place of vulnerability.

The four “musts” as we move towards an inclusive world are: 1) know yourself and your core values; 2) do not seek 100 percent confidence (men operate with only 30 percent confidence); 3) amplify other women voices; 4) seek sponsors among men, as many recognize the pitfalls of belonging and the value of an inclusive world.