Leadership for me came from my experiences at home, as an only child often home alone and later as a single mom with a demanding job and an only child of my own. I grew up exploring independence and freedom, and I matured discovering the challenges of non-attachment. Issues of leadership in the work space felt much easier in comparison, and often came naturally. With hindsight, I believe that parenting is where leadership becomes most challenging and offers the biggest rewards. I long felt that the hardest thing for parents was to allow their children to experiment for themselves and become whomever these children wanted for themselves, first leading and then supporting them from behind. Then I discovered that perhaps the biggest challenge of all lies with appreciating and embracing the opposite of leadership and nurture the needy child behind the leader, not only in a child but in ourselves.
Successful parenting is a balancing act between the requirement to love and nurture our children, on the one hand, and to let go of them at the appropriate time, practicing this challenging non-attachment to the result. We all experience this fierce love that causes us to overstep our boundaries and want to determine what they become in life, pushing them in one direction or another, guarding them to help them feel more secure, helping them with their homework, protecting them from unhealthy surroundings, seeing our children as an extension of ourselves. The more attached they are, the more challenging it becomes to finally set them free, and yet we all know intuitively (even if we find it hard to accept and practice) that true love is giving freedom.
You will be called to let your children go in directions you fear, do not respect, or simply do not understand. You will gradually honor them by treating them as peers who no longer need your guidance, even if they still seek your understanding at times to validate their own feelings. The biggest gift you can offer them is to trust them to know for themselves, to lead their lives the way they choose as equals, making their own way, exercising leadership for themselves. Your confidence will give them wings, and you can trust that the soil you provided for them to grow roots is more than enough to see them find their own path.
You may also have to realize that there is always a needy child behind a leader. I often felt uneasy, even critical towards needy young adults, the same way I would repel any feeling of neediness within myself. I became more lenient and open to this “weak side” within. I can see that this deep resistance to neediness and attachment has ultimately been the engine that propelled me towards leadership qualities. I also came to realize that pushing away and condemning this neediness in an effort to glorify freedom and independence can actually uproot the most nurturing qualities in a leader.
Now more than ever, we need nurturing leaders who will allow for those who rely on others to make their way, fully dependent on their family structure or the social fabric around them. Successful leadership is about accepting both the fiercely independent and free spirit born to lead and the needy child whose vulnerability provides the very soil for nurturing us all. As a parent, you are called upon to raise both and love them equally, and ultimately nourish and integrate both sides within yourself.
If you are ready to explore your leadership instincts and how to lead with emotions, I’d be happy to show you the path and work with you. We are just an email away: isabellefrancoisbe@gmail.com